Life can be so overwhelming sometimes. Sometime I wonder how people go on about living without asking questions. Or may be they do ask questions but get satisfied by the answers world has to offer. So much in the world goes around these questions after all. Religions and nations for example. Who'd believe in such farcicality if there were proper answers. Purposelessness is painful. So is loneliness. I seem to have plenty of both of them. And then there is paranoia and laziness. Latter two are mostly the reasons for former two. Inability to trust anyone and jumping to the worst keep me away from most people. Laziness keep me from diving into anything engaging enough to forget that it's all meaningless.
Laziness now, may be I can do something about it. I have been practicing with rituals as of late. They work well 60% of the time, today however I failed them drastically. May be tomorrow will be a stronger day.
I think there is another reason for laziness as well. The work. It gets so stupid some times. Well, most of the times it is so damn fucking stupid. It is no fun writing forms all day long. But I need money right now, I need a lot more than this job provides, but to start generating more money, I need more skills. Whether I go for a better paying job or for my own business, both need time. We're building a house, so the need for money is immediate. I have to stick with this job for long enough to finish the house and have some savings to give myself some period to lay back and learn new skills, and bootstrap a business.
As to what business I'll do, I am thinking to have a take on content publishing and app building combo. I'll build apps that do something, and I'll start a blog for each app. Apps will have premium versions via in-app purchases, and blogs will have ads. For this I plan to first study the competition, for which I'll build an Intenet-wide crawler to fetch and keep information about everything that goes on in public Internet.
Another plan I have is to start an app and business for farming. Bio-farming and whatnot. I like to farm and I like Punjab. I'll like to do something for the land.
I have to get on speed with studying Haskell. I intend to start building the Internet scanner in Haskell after I finish the 2 Haskell courses I plan to do. After that I'll do a series of blogs for algorithms, apps, games and Mathematics. Perhaps on farming and immigration out of India as well. Basically everything that I want to do, I'll turn it into a blog.
Sometime I want to just hit the road and live a traveler's life. I know it sound obscene for I hate to travel, but constant change keep me from falling into limbo, thinking how utterly meaningless everything is. I guess that's how people go about their lives. There are so many problems everyone have to deal with, there is no time or energy left to indulge in this bullshit. Specially given that there is much more juicy bullshit for most to indulge in; love, family, power, politics, nationality, and the one bullshit to rule them all, religion.